Trying on this blog to tie in with the daily prompt Invisible . https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/invisible/ ( Again to see if I can master all these WordPress things )
So Since settling down and coming to terms with my non binary identity . I had pretty slowly started telling people but It was sort of anxiety producing and draining and I just didn’t have it in me . So a new tactic was to announce that I was non binary on my fb ( to a selected audience ). I thought finally most people know my “secret” . I call it a secret because early on in this process I really didn’t want it to be the case and I was ashamed. I just wanted it all to disappear – I wanted to be invisible and well knew that I would be entering into different territory and maybe be seen differently – things like that .
I / we have pretty much only straight couples / friends .. that’s not to say that we specially made it that way it’s just the circles we ran in I guess . My husband had an old boss who was gay and I think his industry and being in London meant he probably knew more LGBT+ colleagues who became friends.
With me raising Trudi and being at home due to Fibromyalgia my personal circle was not very big at all . Again I found it hard in the mother cliques I just couldn’t fit in . I didn’t want to . Always much better with just one to one with other fathers or mothers in the playground waiting to pick up.
People see me as friendly and I am but I am also maybe a bit on guard too in a way. So for instance I would prefer someone from a different culture even . I think I found them less threatening . I knew I wasn’t your average housewife/mum – That prides herself on housework or going to get hair/nails done – Or wearing the clothes or make up .
Plus I didn’t want to feel like I had to bow down to those things . Those things were not me . So I guess I may have appeared a loner , a bit odd , elusive! ? – who knows and I was going to say who cares ? But of course we all care a bit .
So I was under the radar mostly – Sometimes Jutting our but mostly keeping low key but still mostly being me .
The big perk of my announcement has meant I don’t have to hide . I feel I walk about town a bit taller – Granted it’s still mostly on my own during the week but I’m used to that . I can present how I want totally and I can write more of what I want ( and make more sense 😄.. possibly ) but even better I can join social groups on fb under my own name and actually go *socialise ( *in theory ) and maybe make some new friends that might line up with me better .
So just yesterday I found a group and have been accepted into it and I think they do monthly meet ups . So all this although still highly anxiety inducing ( Introvert Alert ) well it gives me the opportunity to possibly make some new friends of my own.
I can hang out with them and maybe even go to my first ever pride event one year . Although that all feels quite daunting it has the potential to be a really good and positive thing.
My Gender Identity is no longer invisible . It’s just not mainstream and therefore needs to be seen and talked about more.
Here I am ! Happy to answer any questions about me 🖐🏼 Jac
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